Turkey Capitulates to Our Demands

the Turkish leader was welcomed warmly in Moscow, where he was forced while under armed guard to sign a brand new treaty that effectively surrendered all Turkish rights to militarize or police the Turkish Straits. The Turkish President was sent home with a pipe belonging to the Russian leader as a souvenir of his visit to Russia. The successful assertion of our strength in our home waters is a great victory for us, and our forces on the Turkish border have been permitted a mandatory celebration period lasting three days where they are to be as raucous as possible.